Affairs of the Mind

Why romantic brain candy isn't all that sweet

The tall, handsome man looks deeply into my eyes. My skin tingles as he pulls me toward him and gently lifts my chin. He leans down to kiss me ….

"Whoa, stop!" I tell myself, "This is a fantasy."

After gaining so much ground in the battle to stop destructive romantic fantasies, I'm surprised how easily I can allow my thoughts to drift from reality.

My mind is in turmoil with conflicting thoughts: Go on! What happens next?

Real life happens next.

Birthplace of a fantasy

Sexual fantasies can be addictive and lead to dissatisfaction. I give my "dream man" all positives and no negatives—then compare my husband unfavorably with an unrealistic portrait of another man. When I hold my husband to unrealistic expectations, I can easily become disappointed and discontented with the way he expresses love.

What are you thinking?
Almost three out of four readers have fantasized about someone other than their spouse.
Studies show that people who fantasize about someone other than their spouse are seven times more likely to commit adultery than those who haven't fantasized.

Christian counselor, sex therapist, and author of For Women Only: God's Design for Female Sexuality and Intimacy, Dr. Shay Roop says, "Many times women believe their expectations are far beyond their husbands' abilities and never explore those expectations with their spouse. Better communication regarding romantic or sexual needs can reduce frustration and go a long way to increasing real, not fantasized, intimacy."

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May 25

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