My wife recently had a baby and I was in the delivery room to help. But since then I haven't wanted to have sex with her. I love her; I'm just no longer turned on by her. What's up with that?
Michael: The miracle of birth is a wondrous event, and I'm glad you shared this moment with your wife. Watching the birthing process can be pretty traumatic for us husbands, though. Birth isn't a clean, pleasant event to observe up close. A beautiful part of your wife's body now has an association beyond the erotic one you had before watching her give birth.
The good news is that this doesn't have to be permanent. If she's like almost all new moms, she isn't feeling sexy or erotic either. Use this time to get to know her again. Her body has gone through a major change and is different inside (hormones) and out.
Double or triple the caring, caressing touches. Agree not to have sex for a couple nights, but instead spend the time touching, caressing, and relearning her body. Tell her what you love about her body as you caress her. Given a bit of time and energy, you can see the beauty, passion, and sensuality in this new mom who is your wife and lover.
Debra: While having a baby is an incredible experience, usually we aren't prepared for the many aspects of pregnancy, delivery, and the 6 to 12 months that follow. What you're experiencing is common. In a recent article in the Journal of Family Practice, Dr. Janice Byrd states: "Pregnancy, childbirth, and the postpartum period represent a major life transition that usually has a substantial impact on the sexual adjustment of both mothers and fathers."1