I muttered to myself, "If only Larry would be the man I expected, I wouldn't be so angry. It's his fault." We'd been married seven years and I feared our marriage wouldn't survive. I pleaded with God to change Larry—to make him work less and not be so interested in his flying hobby. Every time he flew without me, my anger increased. I repeated over and over, "It's all his fault!"
But then God began to change my perspective and as a result, he brought healing and joy into our marriage. If your spouse makes you "so angry," you might want to consider the insights God gave me.
I'm responsible for my anger
For most of my life, I'd blamed others for my anger. "If only they wouldn't do . . ." or "If only they would do . . ." But God began to show me verses like Ephesians 4:29, 31-32. "Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths . . . . Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate …" Paul used verbs that were commands, which meant I could choose to obey. It wasn't out of my control.
None of those verses say, "If your spouse treats you right, do not let any unwholesome talk . . ." or "If your spouse meets your needs, be kind and compassionate." There were no possible justifications. I was responsible for my reactions and if I claimed to be a Christian, I had the Holy Spirit's power to be patient as a fruit of the Spirit. As a result, I began to hold myself accountable.1