The children were finally in bed, the house was quiet, the lights were low—and I was exhausted. Nevertheless, I could tell by the vibes I was getting from my husband, Robert, that sex was on his mind. Crawling into bed, I lay still, secretly hoping he'd just doze off.
In our early years of marriage, this scene was replayed several nights a week. We were both in our mid-twenties with two children and a third on the way. We were both working long hours—he at a high-pressure banking job and I in the trenches of stay-at-home motherhood.
After supper when we managed finally to get the kids in bed, the first thing on his weary mind was always the last thing on mine. When I tried to explain how tired I was, he'd feel rejected and I'd feel angry. Then we'd stay up half the night trying to reach a truce, usually through a multi-toned discussion that always resulted in hurt feelings for both of us.
One providential night, worn from the toll the frequent arguments were taking on our marriage, Robert asked, "What if we scheduled it?"
The suggestion took me by surprise. Can a married couple really schedule something as intimate as sex? Surely that would take all the romance and passion out of it. The more we talked about it, however, the more it sounded like a solution that would work for both of us. And when we put it into practice we discovered what a great solution it really was.
If a deficit in physical affection is causing more tension than bliss at your house, try these painless tips for scheduling sex.1