You say you're nervous to face your family this Thanksgiving? You're hoping just this once you get through the holiday without a bruised ego?
Look to the saints! The great prophets of yore!
Their likely response?
"Don't count on it."
They might say something like "Gird up your loins like a man."
Family dinners were rough back then. Just ask Esau how he enjoyed Jacob's bowl of stew.
But isn't it written that "God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind"?
To this you respond: He didn't have to sit through the "parboil vs. pressure cooker canning" debate from 2008. Alliances were drawn and the table was split. Veins popped out of necks while loving family members annihilated siblings.
"Parboiling is akin to serving mashed baby food to the family!"
"Pressure cooking? You're taking your life in your own hands! Think of the children!"
Because clearly, this was an argument for the sake of the kids.
My friend called me once in the middle of her holiday with family. She had a packed house of loved ones. In the background, I could hear the crackle of laughter, the crackle of the fire, the crackle of knuckles? The crackle of her favorite stemware? She was saying something I couldn't understand.
"What's happening?" I asked.
"Somebody's about to be on the news," she muttered. "That's what's happening." Then she hung up.
Some of us can relate.1