Nathan and Christy Nockels share a ministry as the musical duo Watermark. Learning to work together, releasing their first album, and touring the nation are just a few steps they've taken on their journey so far. But they had no way of knowing the journey toward their dream of children would lead them through the nightmare of miscarriages. But together, they've learned to grieve, find hope, and grow together and in God.
You've done a lot of stretching in the past few years. Besides learning to work together, you've had two miscarriages. How did you handle this?
Christy: We handled the first one in completely different ways. Nathan was sad, but it didn't hit him as hard, because he didn't realize how much I was dealing with. It was easy for me to think, "He doesn't understand." But then I realized that I hadn't told him what I was feeling or thinking. I had to communicate it to him. After I told him what I was experiencing, he was much more sensitive. He realized all the emotions I had. We were learning to grieve together by talking through it a lot.
So you took the second miscarriage much harder?
Nathan: I think I've always clung to the idea that if God doesn't come through, there's always something else to hang onto; I still have my car or my house. But with the second miscarriage, we were brought to a point where we had nothing. There was us, and there was God. And it was so tough for me to go through. It's in me to provide, to help, and to make things happen. But this was totally out of my control. I couldn't do anything.
Christy: We were devastated, in a way. We were so busy trying to start our family, and we weren't focusing on our love for each other. After the second miscarriage, we realized that this isn't about us planning a family or planning a baby. This needs to be about a husband and wife, loving and resting in God's timing. I think once we really let go of our agenda, it seemed like everything just fell into place. We began to sense peace that we had never had with each other or with the Lord before.
Copyright © 2001 by the author or Christianity Today/Marriage Partnership magazine. Click here for reprint information on Marriage Partnership.