Love Isn't a Feeling

What you can do to improve your marriage now

"I looked at every card in the rack. I just can't buy my husband a 'husband' card for his birthday. I don't feel like any of those cards." I sighed and turned from my friend Alene's sweet face to examine the ceiling. "I don't even know him any more. He works late, goes to bed early, and leaves before I get up. We never talk. We never even see each other."

Alene lifted my chin with her finger tips. "You should stop acting like you feel about your husband and start acting the way you want to feel," she said. "After all, love isn't a feeling. Love is an action. And how we feel flows from the things we choose to do." She patted my back. "Start doing kind, loving things for your husband, and I guarantee you'll begin to feel kind and loving toward him. I suggest you buy a card that expresses how you'd like to feel. Pick one that says everything you hoped for your marriage when you walked down the aisle."

I shared my frustration with Alene because she and Karl had been married 48 years, and she was the most together person I knew. I'd determined I would never leave my husband, and I knew I didn't want to settle for a lonely marriage. So despite my misgivings about being insincere, I followed her advice. I bought my husband a romantic birthday card, and I started buying him other passionate cards several times a week and leaving them on his pillow.

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May 25

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