In Song of Solomon 4, this young couple enjoyed great sex together. Then, according to one interpretation, no sooner did they get home from the honeymoon, they had a fight over sex. In Song of Solomon 5:2, the young bride says, "I slept but my heart [Solomon] was awake. Listen! My lover is knocking: 'Open to me, my sister, my darling, my dove, my flawless one.'"
Solomon initiates sex with his young bride. His bride continues to respond in verse 3: "I have taken off my robe—must I put it on again? I have washed my feet—must I soil them again?" My paraphrase: "I'm not in the mood."
We all have times when we are not in the mood. And that is okay. We do not need to condemn each other when that happens.
When your lover is not in the mood, respond as Solomon did. Verses 4-5 say, "My lover thrust his hand through the latch-opening; my heart began to pound for him. I arose to open for my lover, and my hands dripped with myrrh." Solomon reached through the door and offered liquid myrrh, which is a sign of sweetness. He did not judge, condemn, or taunt her. He walked away peacefully.
His response caused his bride to respond. His response aroused his wife. Verse 6 says, "I opened for my lover, but my lover had left; he was gone. My heart sank at his departure. I looked for him but did not find him. I called him but he did not answer."
Maybe you often are not in the mood and you constantly hear, "You always use the 'I'm tired' excuse" or "We haven't had any in weeks." Sex is a key part of marriage. So remember your commitment: You no longer own your body. Husbands and wives are to honor and adore each other.
Excerpted from TCW article "Sex After Kids" by Dr. Gary Smalley and Ted Cunningham. Copyright 2010 by Gary Smalley and Ted Cunningham. Used with permission from Tyndale House Publishers. All rights reserved.