Uncoupled in a Coupled-Up World

Life after divorce is lonely—even when you’ve got Jesus.
Uncoupled in a Coupled-Up World

I am a woman familiar with loneliness. I was lonely as a single child. I was lonely as a teenager trying to find my way. I was lonely when I first went to college. I was lonely during my broken engagement. I was lonely while I was living in my difficult marriage. And I have been especially lonely since my divorce.

Loneliness can sweep over me and hang over my shoulders like a weight. A sad, sad weight that reminds me I am alone and truly on my own. Interestingly, this feeling of loneliness can happen just moments after I’ve been with my best friends for a girls’ night out or while my kids are in the next room.

We live in a coupled-up world. And those of us who’ve been used to coupledom—even if it were in a strained, emotionally un-intimate relationship—can find ourselves a bit lost, scrambling to fill in the silences and the holes in our schedule.

Jesus Isn't My Boyfriend

As I get older and experience more of what life can throw at me, I’ve realized more and more that I have no idea what people are feeling when they’re going through something I’ve never gone through. That’s why I cringe when a married person (or even simply a non-divorced person) attempts to encourage me in my loneliness with the statement that God should be my everything, implying that I, therefore, should not be lonely.

I love Jesus. I completely know he loves me. But I’m still lonely—and loneliness is hard.

Now, Jesus is a lot of things to me—a lot of things. I believe Jesus is real—that he lived, that he died, and that he came back to life. And I believe he didn’t just die a normal death, but that he died on a cross to pay for my sin. I believe Jesus is my Savior.

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Community; Dating; Divorce; Single Parenting; Singleness
Today's Christian Woman, December Week 3, 2014
Posted December 17, 2014

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