My Quest to Be a Happier Wife

This year I’m asking God to change me
My Quest to Be a Happier Wife

When my husband, James, and I were dating, just seeing his face would send me reeling with happiness. Electricity shot through my body when he reached for my hand. One beautiful spring day, we were staring into each other's eyes. He asked me dreamily, "Do you know what I see when I look into your eyes?"

"What do you see?" I asked anxiously.

"I see the letters 'A, V.' Your contact lenses say 'A, V!' "

I went home and popped out my contact lenses. He was right! I couldn't believe I had found a man who looked so closely into my eyes that he knew what my lenses said.

I married that wonderful man 15 years ago. He still looks into my eyes and knows me better than anyone else. But the butterflies which characterized those early days together usually don't fly around my stomach anymore (although they do appear occasionally). You don't have to be married very long before you realize it's not your husband's job to make you happy. He's human and he will fail your expectations, just as you will fail his.

This year I'm on a quest to have a happier marriage, not by changing my spouse, but by changing me. Cindi McMenamin, author of When a Woman Inspires Her Husband, said, "For years I was praying that my husband would change and adapt to me. I finally had to say God, change me. Make me the kind of wife he needs. All of a sudden, there was a different equation. Our marriage changed for good, and I became a happy wife."

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Arlene Pellicane

Arlene Pellicane is a TCW regular contributor and the author of several books, including 31 Days to Becoming a Happy Mom and 31 Days to a Happy Husband. Arlene lives in Southern California with her husband James and their three children. You can connect with Arlene at @ArlenePellicane and on

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