Bang! The door to Nik's room slammed shut. Knowing he needed some space, I walked back to the kitchen to fix dinner. An hour later his door creaked open.
"Mom, why can't I have those Nike air pump running shoes? All the guys have them, and my shoes are so dorky!"
"Nik, we've gone over this already. I can't afford $80 shoes. I really wish I could."
That wasn't what a 10-year-old wanted to hear. I was frustrated too. No, I was more than frustrated; I was envious of parents who could afford to grant their children's desires. Envy was consuming me, even in my job at church.
Randy, the church's media director, was one target of my envy. He was raised in a Christian family with an incredible grandfather who believed in his musical ability and gave him his first guitar. Randy attended a Christian college and then married Sharon, a godly woman. Now they have two awesome kids.
The ugly green stripe of envy spread down my back for all to see, and unfortunately it was getting wider. My response to Randy's spiritual journey was, "God, could we spread this around a little? What would it be like to grow up in a Christian home and then marry and raise your own children in a safe, godly environment?"
I thought about the broken pieces of my heart strewn along life's highway. And what about my kids? Why do they have to experience such pain? Yet what was I actually saying to God? "You made mistakes with my life. I know I could do better."