When Beth and Brad came to me (Carrie) for marriage counseling, I asked how I might be of help. Brad jumped right in, "The birth of our first child was such a major answer to prayer." He reached over and took Beth's hand as he continued, "It took us several years to get pregnant and when we finally got the good news, we decided we were going to do it right." They took classes, they read books and they talked with friends who already had children. After a brief pause Brad continued, "The one thing that caught us totally off guard was the impact being parents would have on our sexual relationship."
Today's parents have plenty of resources to prepare for pregnancy, childbirth, and baby care. But few are prepared for the effects on their marriage: the redefinition of roles, the realignment of responsibilities, and the reduction of time together that often results in the decreased frequency and intensity of sexual experiences. It's a wonder anybody gets pregnant for the second time!
Can you have a love life after children? Through God's grace and a little bit of work, the answer is yes! In fact, our own experience and those of hundreds of couples we've counseled is that working through the changes parenting brings can lead to a new depth of understanding, trust, and security that can actually deepen your marriage and increase your desire for sexual intimacy. Really!
Where has the love gone?
Parenthood is one of God's greatest gifts, but it can take a toll on the emotional and physical intimacy level in your marriage. The couple time that was so easy to find before having children is something that now has to be carved out. But even then, your best efforts can be thwarted by a whole host of challenges.